© NAMB

(651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i’m going for it.

(216): whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i’m doing homework

(361): Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?

(510): Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.

(508): i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?

(949): YOU DON’T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

(417): I ride home in a shopping cart. Don’t at like you aren’t jealous.

(336): I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.

(916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

(317): why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?